UFC on Fox Sports One 1 Review
I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure this card opens with the Allstate guy yelling incoherently about destiny. Geez, it's just some UFC fights. There aren't even any bears. At least not since Bas Rutten retired.
UFC on Fox Sports One was the first card to be on the premiering network, and it scored gold for both Fox Sports and the UFC. UFC cards have been largely quiet for the better part of 2013 but they brought out some of their best. Top ten contenders from numerous weight classes fought to see who rises and who sinks. Shogun and Overeem completely removed themselves as top ten contenders with their performances and further open the heavy and light heavyweight divisions for new talent. Travis Browne and Matt Brown pulled out must win victories and Uriah Faber continued to prove why he's one of the best fighters without a belt. Micheal Johnson showed that he is a matured and more diverse fighter who demands some attention. Aside from Hall vs. Howard, the card was exciting from top to bottom, and that translates well for the UFC. Let's take a look at the action.
Michael Johnson vs. Joe Lauzon
Huh... we're adding the Vegas odds to the stats now. I wonder how much cocaine and blowjobs were exchanged to arrange that. Joe took center Octagon early and looked fairly slow and plodding compared to Johnson who was constantly moving back and forth and darting in and out with multiple punches and kicks. Lauzon is usually a living Goku. He doesn't actually hit his full potential until he's gotten beaten down for the first 29 episodes. Not tonight though.
Johnson put on the performance of his career against his best opponent to date and sealed the deal with a unanimous decision. The fight was entertaining and high energy despite the fact that Lauzon couldn't find an answer to the more athletic Johnson.
Uriah Hall vs. John Howard
One day there's going to be a horror movie loosely based on a true story about some MMA fighters who go to a reality show and slowly get murdered one by one. That story is going to be based on Uriah Hall's feet. Howard has a bunch of tribal patterns shaved into his head because I guess he was blessed by a shaman.
The UFC has really been pushing Hall despite him losing in the season finale. In the season 17 finale, Hall came out strong and gassed like a cheap lawnmower by the end of the first round and it looked like he didn't find his little red can between fights. The most interesting part was towards the end of the fight when Hall went full Tekken fail and Howard responded to his opponent flopping on the ground with a superman punch to the head. Howard's performance in the last two rounds was enough to win over two of the three judges, but the crowd of boos showed that not many are looking forward to seeing either fight on a main event card again.
Matt Brown vs. Mike Pyle
Mike Pyle stepped out looking like karate in the front and party in the back. Matt Brown as always stepped out swinging like he doesn't give a fuck and it worked. This fight was all Matt Brown for 29 glorious seconds.
As Rogan said, "BOOM, there's the right hand. Knee. BOOM, and then a final one."
Brown is now on his sixth straight win in the welterweight division. He definitely deserves a spot among the lower ranks of the welterweight division, but it's also time to see him step up and face another top ten competitor.
De la Hoya dropped by to tell us about his boxing promotion. I hope James Toney didn't watch this card.
Urijah Faber vs. Iuri Alcantara
Faber's chin was looking bootylicious as always and Alcantara is one of the better bantamweights that nobody has ever seen, but that's just because his name is hard to type into Google.
Alcantara looked fantastic early in the first. He took Faber off his feet and spent the better part of the first round climbing Faber's limbs he was the old pecan tree in the backyard. Faber managed to reverse position towards the end of the first round and maintained similar ground dominance throughout the rest of the fight with nearly 150 strikes landed to his grounded opponents. Faber continues to be undefeated in non-title fights and Alcantara turned a few heads with his highly technical work at the beginning of the fight. In the end Faber got the W and says that Fox Sports One is his favorite network. Today was apparently his first day watching television.
Travis Browne vs. Alistair Overeem
I believe it was Lord Byron who said, "who knows what swiftly a knee brings that which a foot can disarm," but I'm not very good with poetry.
Browne appeared to be driven with newfound intensity and Alistair Overeem still reminds me of Eddie Winslow on Bane's workout regimen. Overeem opened the fight with the same devastating knees that earned him his reputation in K1. Browne was hurt early in the round and turtled up against the cage.
When the birds fluttering around Browne's head stopped singing for him to step into the light, he stepped forward and began spamming front kicks as though he was trying to unlock the Anderson Silva achievement in the video game. It was a great fight for Browne and gives him tremendous leverage in continuing his push through the top ten rankings. He then dedicated the solid drubbing of a Dutchman to the victims of the Boston bombing.
Chael Sonnen vs. Mauricio Rua
Sonnen has apparently made it his life's mission to be America's last stand against the Brazilian invasion. His wrestling prowess alone is literally the only thing keeping big booty women from storming our shores. Doughy Shogun showed and finally broke his striped pattern of wins and losses since 2009. And Chael "P" Sonnen resurfaced to claim another undefeated victory.
Sonnen surprised nobody with an early takedown and some fists, but Rua maintained a decent enough ground defense for most of the first. He even scored a takedown against Sonnen and enjoyed some success in the one round submission loss. Sonnen managed to sink in a standing guillotine and pulled guard. Yes, you read that right. Sonnen scored his first submission win since 2006 against an opponent whose submission defense is arguably much better than Sonnen's submission attack. This will likely be Shogun's last run as a main event for a while. Though he puts on some good fights against the lower top ten, he just doesn't show up prepared with the same killer instinct we have seen from his early work in Pride.
Rough Copy Event Rating:
"I am a brilliant man and it's something that has plagued me for a long time." - Chael Sonnen