The Sunday Hangover: Volume III

UFC Signs CM Punk, Internet Rages

Kim Kardashian's surgically clenched butthole spent the latter half of 2014 trying to break the internet. Phil "CM Punk” Brooks, along with thousands of confused and angry fight fans, managed to accomplish this same thing within a few hours after he and Joe Rogan announced he had been signed by the UFC. Brooks is stepping into the Octagon with a professional record of 0-0 and fifteen pounds lost in three weeks due to "really hard training.” When quizzed further, Brooks revealed that he hasn't really decided where he will train or which weight class he can reach but middleweight sounds like a definite possibility. Maybe. Or welterweight, presumably if it's not hard. He still has to figure out where he's going to train.

Reactions on twitter largely ranged from "what” to "why” and hundreds of people calling him out. Nobody smells a payday in the air like Michael Bisping, and he hit twitter moments after with both a challenge and an invitation to kiss his ass. Fighters with actual records such as Ben Askren protested and others demanded a shot at the new booty. But nobody wants to see that. Not when Jason David Frank (1-0), the original Green Power Ranger has also been hounding for a UFC contract. JDF took to instagram, posting:

"This was posted on my managers page!! I'm sorry guys I have to do this and wake up UFC. I need your help to tag @danawhiteufc @ufc please hash tag this direct to there page. I like CM this is just a professional call out Again. Thanks SUCKER PUNCH ENTERTAINMENT for believing in me!! Team I depend on you. This is my life and I deserve a shot at this. @suckerpunchent haters hate winners WIN. It's a great fight embrace don't hate :).” - Jason David Frank

Yes, there's some weird possibility that CM Punk vs the Green Ranger could become an actual thing. In just 12 hours, internet nerds went from hating the idea of CM Punk in the Octagon until Jason David Frank stepped up to the plate. All the talk about the purity of the sport vanishes when an actual power ranger enters the conversation. Now a dark nightmare has turned into everyone's wettest of dreams.

It's no secret that the UFC had a rough 2014. They couldn't even afford to keep the spotlights on during the fighter intros last night. Punk is clearly here as a big name to generate buzz among the casual fans and sell tickets. His signing is particularly interesting in the wake of the UFC's new tiered payout system as per their deal with Reebok. The system has yet to be completely fleshed out, but we do know that official ranking will effect fighter payout. Brooks, at age 36, will not likely be starting with the promotion earning the base salary. The question becomes how the UFC balances big name draws like Punk with the rankings and payout system they're promising to clean up.

Who Can Beat Anthony Pettis?

Everything was flowing smoothly for Gilbert Melendez. He successfully cut off Pettis's striking range by keeping him pressed tight against the cage where he punished the champ with numerous stiff body combos. He was working Pettis's ribs like they came on a barbecue plate at a Baptist church fundraiser until getting clipped with a short right that stopped him. Melendez attempted to scramble into a takedown but Pettis was able to sink into a guillotine. Pettis rolled into mount with the choke still locked and tapped the number one contender in round two.

It was another showcase fight for Pettis who has won his last four straight via finishes within the first two rounds. This was Pettis's first fight since August 2013 and a lot has changed in his almost year and a half absence. Undefeated Khabib Nurmagomedov is looking for a title shot in 2015. Donald Cerrone, who Pettis defeated in January 2013, won five in a row since their last contest, and other killers such as Edson Barboza and Rafael dos Anjos are edging their way up the rankings too. Next year is pivotal for Pettis. Another injury could leave him as another story of what could have been, but a healthy Pettis is among the best in the world. Dana White claimed Pettis is the best pound for pound fighter in the world, but now it's up to him to prove that, and he has a long way to go.

Herica Tiburcio Upsets Michelle Waterson

21 year old Herica Tiburcio did the unexpected by defeating atomweight champ Michelle Waterson with a third round guillotine at IFC 10. Scheduled to face Ayaka Hamasaki at IFC 9, Tiburcio was forced to withdraw due to visa issues. In November it was announced that Cristiane Santos was forced to withdraw from the headlining fight for Invicta 10. Waterson, who did fight at IFC9, was called in for the new main, and Tiburcio was given the title shot in her first fight within the organization.

Tiburcio is a BJJ specialist who managed to weather some early armbar attacks in the first. She turned the tide after sweeping Waterson later in the first round and landed a hard right that badly damaged Waterson's eye. Tiburcio was able to weather Waterson's superior striking and keep the fight on the ground. Persistence finally paid off in the third as she sank in a deep guillotine to win the match. It's a Cinderalla story for Tiburcio, but it leaves Waterson, who has largely been left to carry the mantle in IFC since the UFC started its strawweight division, without a belt.

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