Wayne "Fu" Smallwood vs Weeg Hewson - Underdog of the Year
Alaskan MMA doesn't get much national media coverage because not many reporters are willing to venture into a frozen desert to cover amateur events garnering crowds of up to 50 people, but when one of them features a 62 year old man with a George Carlin ponytail and some GSP training shorts fighting someone less than half his age and 22 pounds heavier, that's at least YouTube worthy. Smallwood spends his days crafting walking sticks and probably practicing kung fu. I'm not really sure what Weeg Hewson does. If you do a Google search for Wayne Smallwood, you find a number of articles detailing how he beat the snot out of Weeg Hewson, but if you do a Google search for Weeg Hewson, you also find a number of articles about how Wayne Smallwood beat the snot out of Weeg Hewson. Because he lost, Weeg Hewson will always be known for exactly one thing. Hewson spent a very sweaty minute attempting to drag the older, smaller, lighter man to the mat, but Smallwood managed to mostly retain his footing. Hewson tugged and tugged at Smallwood as though he were trying to squeeze into Smallwood's shorts, but "Fu" somehow defended with a couple of punches. Now, one of the first tendencies a body has when it begins to get tired is to drop the arms to conserve energy. This is also the last thing a body should do when in a fight, and you learn to resist this impulse through training. When Hewson's lungs decided to shut his body down like a fleshy Twinkies factory, the rest of him was too tired and maybe drunk to protest. As he stood hands to knees heaving in mouths full of oxygen, Smallwood found the time to stagger across the ring and delivered a spinning elbow to his winded opponent. The move couldn't have been more telegraphed if Smallwood shouted its name in Morse code. Because standing is a lot harder than being hammered, Hewson fell to the ground and the ref jumped in to protect him from further damage.Barboza vs Etim - Holy Shit! of the Year
Edson Barboza is a fighter in the lightweight division that also doubles as a clean, alternative energy source for 12% of Brazil's citizens. Footage of his cardio routine can cause your DVD player to lose up to two pounds and gives your Jean-Claude Van Damme movies twice as many kicks. He throws the kind of feet that can turn the human skeleton to chipotle, and he won his debut fight against Mike Lullo by kicking him approximately infinity + infinity's cousin times in the knee.
At UFC 152, he faced Terry Etim, an off and on again submission artist that has floated around the lightweight undercard for a few years. Barboza spent the better part of two rounds hammering Etim's liver and legs like Everclear shots. Around two minutes into the final round, Etim went stiffer than a gargoyle's morning wood after eating the nastiest spinning wheel kick delivered outside of a comic book. Barboza kicked in Etim's mouth like it was a door in an episode of Cops and he expected to find cocaine and hookers inside. After the fight, Etim was legally allowed to join support groups for sand castles. Outside of the ring, a skeletal ferryman began anxiously jingling his coin purse. After the fight, Joe Rogan asked Barboza how it felt to partially decapitate another human being in such a spectacular fashion. He thanked Jesus in Portuguese.
Tim Boetsch vs Yushin Okami - Comeback of the Year
Tim "The Barbarian" Boetsch made his first official appearance in issue number 63 of Dragon magazine and has been besting worthy adventurers in arena combat ever since. Yushin Okami is pretty much what would happen if the Japanese tried to build a Matt Hughes out of an irradiated daiku radish. The two fought on Okami's home turf at UFC 144. Okami dominated the first two rounds. He used in and out combinations to win the first and his wrestling skill to win the second. In the process, he managed to tear open Boetsch's face like it was Christmas and he knew there was a Super Nintendo inside. Boetsch was bewildered by the movement. It was as though Okami's hands were explaining particle physics to Boetsch every time Okami swung.Down two rounds, Boetsch could only win the fight by knockout or submission. Boetsch ate an early jab but quickly began landing powerful hooks. Okami was bewildered by the brute force. It was as though Boetsch's fists were explaining how to hunt and kill a T-rex every time he swung. Okami backed away in terror while Boetsch pursued throwing haymakers and headkicks. When he finally caught Okami against the cage, he performed a move too crazy to be taught in any gym. He pinned Okami's head against the cage with one arm and began throwing uppercuts with his back half turned to his opponent. They weren't soft either. They had enough power behind them to turn the arena cockroaches into worthy opponents for Godzilla. Okami managed to briefly escape his tormentor, but Boetsch noticed that the steak beginning to swell under Okami's eye was almost bloody enough to be done and went back in with the exact same move. This time, Okami fell to the ground and ate several more punches from the fetal position, thus ending the most savage act of brutality since Honey Boo Boo's conception.
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